Living Beyond the Boxes: Your Gender, Your Rules

By Sam Hillview-Close*

Some truths don’t arrive with fireworks or a choir of angels. They arrive quietly - like a cat deciding, with regal confidence, that your pillow is now their throne. That’s how it is with gender identity. One day you realise: “Oh… this is me”. Not the version someone guessed when you were born. Not the “close enough” box you ticked on a school form. Not the label Aunt Margaret insists on using because “she just can’t keep up with all these new terms.” Just… you.

And the thing is, once you notice it, you can’t un-notice it. That little voice that says “this is who I am” doesn’t fade just because someone else doesn’t get it. You don’t have to justify it, negotiate it, or shrink it down to fit someone else’s comfort level. Your gender identity is as real as gravity - even if other people keep pretending it’s optional.

1. Why This Matters More Than People Realise

Let’s clear up a common myth - your gender identity isn’t a quirky side hobby. It’s not like suddenly getting into knitting or deciding you’ll try a new sourdough starter every weekend. It’s part of the blueprint of who you are - how you see yourself, how you connect, how you thrive.

And the stakes? They’re sky-high. The Trevor Project’s February 2025 research found that when parents support their transgender or nonbinary kids, those young people are 36% less likely to attempt suicide. That’s not just a bump in the numbers - it’s entire futures preserved. It’s laughter at dinner tables, graduations, awkward first dates, and that magical moment of discovering the one pizza topping combination that is truly you.

Meanwhile, the University of Western Australia highlighted another truth - trans and gender-diverse Australians often face higher barriers to health and exercise. Not because they’re less capable, but because the rules of the game weren’t designed with them in mind. Imagine showing up to play soccer and being told: “Oh, sure, you can join, but only if you promise never to use your left foot.” Suddenly, a joyful game becomes a stressful negotiation. That’s what everyday life can feel like when systems weren’t built for you.

2. Why Society Still Feels… Wobbly

On the surface, things look promising. The Ipsos 2025 Pride Report says 80% of Australians believe LGBTQIA+ people should be protected from discrimination. Brilliant, right? But here’s the wobble - only 59% think we should actually pass laws to make that protection real. That’s like saying, ‘I’m all for road safety,’ but then refusing to wear a seatbelt. Noble sentiment, broken windshield.

In the U.S., the numbers tell another tough story - nearly four in ten LGBTQIA+ youth, and almost half of trans and nonbinary youth, are considering moving to another state, not for better jobs or beaches, but just to feel safe. Imagine having to uproot your entire life for the radical dream of walking down the street without fear.

And then there’s the acceptance canyon. Pew Research found around 60% of people think society accepts gay and lesbian individuals, but only 13% say the same about trans people. That’s not a gap you can leap over - that’s the Grand Canyon, complete with warning signs and no bridge in sight.

3. Small Things That Make a Big Difference

Here’s the part that gives some hope. While the big-picture changes sometimes crawl forward at the pace of a snail in quicksand, the everyday actions - the ones we can do - matter more than most people think.

What feels small to you might be seismic to someone else:

- Use someone’s chosen name and pronouns. Not occasionally. Not when you remember. Every time. With consistency. With kindness. And without making it a performance.
- Listen more than you speak. You don’t need to “fix” anything. You don’t need to debate someone’s identity like it’s a dinner-table topic. You just need to believe them.
- Give young people the mic. They don’t need a cardigan-wearing press secretary to explain them. They need to be trusted to speak for themselves.

Research backs this up.  When people feel seen, heard, and respected, mental health outcomes improve. It’s not complicated - respect creates belonging. And belonging, in turn, creates resilience. Think of it like planting a tree - water it regularly and it thrives. Neglect it, and it withers. Except in this case, the “watering” is free - it’s kindness, respect, and acknowledgment.

And be assured, you’ll never regret making someone feel like they matter. Think of all the people you’ve met – did any of them ever say: “I really wish I’d made fewer people feel welcome.”

4. Your Story Is the Point

Gender isn’t about squeezing into someone else’s mould. It’s about dismantling the moulds altogether and crafting something that feels like home. Your name, your style, your way of moving through the world - those aren’t just accessories. They’re the story of you.

Some people will get it instantly. They’ll nod, smile, and cheer you on like supportive background dancers. Others will need time, and patience, and a few Google searches. And then there will be the ones who cling to their ignorance like it’s vintage Tupperware - stubborn, stained, and refusing to go quietly. That’s their journey, not yours.

Because here’s what’s true - you’re not “too much.” You’re not “confusing.” You’re not “a phase.” You are a one-of-a-kind human whose story is unfolding in real time. And the world needs the version of you where you feel most at home. The version that laughs freely, loves deeply, and takes up space unapologetically.

So let this be your reminder - your identity is not a compromise. It’s not an inconvenience. It’s your truth, and that’s more than enough.

Now, go live it. Loudly. Quietly. Colourfully. Authentically. In glitter shoes, hiking boots, or bare feet in the grass - whatever feels most like you.

And if you can dance in them? Even better.

* Sam Hillview-Close is a former business executive, public health administrator, Board member, writer and blogger. Sam is also a proud neurodivergent individual.